The Journey to Being Me

13590418_1945623725664259_9117224596299211064_nAs I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned a few things about myself. It’s actually an ongoing process of reflection and realization that I’ve been doing over the past few years. A slow process, but it’s teaching me things about myself that I didn’t know, or hadn’t yet realized, and reminding me of things I had forgotten.

I’ve never really felt the freedom to be myself; to be perfectly honest, I’ve never really known exactly who “myself” truly is. I’ve had an idea of myself influenced by everyone else’s vision of me. Their vision is not me and I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to not be someone’s ideal version of me. I’m slowly learning that it is sometimes necessary to cut those people out of my life; those who cannot accept the true me and not their ideal me. I’ve spent all of my life being afraid of letting anyone “in”; afraid of being rejected, not being good enough, being hurt and let down, and carrying shame for something I should never feel shame for. I have spent so many years keeping people at arm’s length that it takes every ounce of energy I can muster to walk out into the public. I don’t want to live under these shadows anymore.

This journey has reminded me of just how much shame and pain I’ve been carrying for more than three decades- the shame and pain I try so hard to bury deep down where nobody can see. I can fake it for the people around me- friends, family, strangers; I can put on a happy face and pretend life is wonderful, but I can’t lie to myself. Eventually, it always catches up with me. The pain I carry- these scars- are soul deep and at times it crushes me. I have to remind myself that this pain does not define me. I am more than these scars that I carry.  I am more than the worthlessness that has been ingrained in me by those who claim to love me most- even if unintentional. This journey has taught me that I have to learn to love myself because that is something I’ve never done; and that it is okay to let go and be myself, even if that makes others uncomfortable. Even if they don’t like who I am. That’s okay, they don’t have to like me. This isn’t about them- this is about me, and nobody can take that from me. It is my life, my journey, and my healing.

Bacon Cheeseburger Bowl, Keto-Style

Photo Sep 04, 6 09 06 PM

I’ll admit this is not my original idea. I saw a post in one of the Keto groups I’m in for a Burger Bowl recipe and it sounded like a good idea. I didn’t follow that recipe, in fact I don’t even have that recipe. This is an experiment that actually turned out pretty dang tasty. YAY! 🙂

For the bowls:
-2 lbs ground beef chuck
-1 egg
-4 t coconut flour
-4 t Worcestershire sauce
-1/2 lb bacon of your choice
-4 T Grated Parmesan Cheese
-Minced onion, not measured
-Granulated garlic, not measured
-Salt and pepper, to taste

Toppings (in order):
-1 c Shredded Lettuce
-1 T Green Onions, chopped
-1 t Spicy Brown Mustard
-1/4 c Mild Cheddar Cheese, shredded

Mix all ingredients together; form into equal portions. Make into an abnormally thick patty- 3 inches thick or so. Using the bottom of a cup, press into the patty forming a “bowl” around the cup; leave the bottom of the bowl about an inch thick (your best guess). Press the meat around the cup, pressing out any cracks and making it’s as even as possible all the way around. I formed mine to about 2 inches tall with the inside of the “bowl” being about an inch deep.

Bake in 350 degree oven for about 2o minutes. Meanwhile, chop the bacon into small pieces and cook on medium heat until crispy. Transfer to paper towel lined bowl or plate to drain grease completely.

Once bowls are cooked through,add bacon and toppings. Return to oven long enough to melt the cheese, then enjoy!

Makes 2 burger bowls

Macros: 5 g carbs, 29.75 g fat, 393 calories

Keto Fried Cabbage with Pork and Bacon

Oooohh sooooo goood!!! And ooooh soooo easy!

I love easy, especially when easy is delish! Oh and let’s not forget that this one is also easy on the budget- less than $10 all in!

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So for this recipe, you’ll need:

1 small head of green cabbage
1 lb of cheap fatty bacon
1 pkg (4-5) pork loin chops
Pepper

Season the chops with pepper and throw on the George Foreman (or outdoors grill if the weather permits!). Let them cook slowly, turning only once!

1

While the pork cooks, cut the bacon into bite size pieces and toss in a large pot on medium heat.

2

Chop the clean cabbage into strips, about 1″ in width or so.

3

When the bacon is fully cooked and crispy, remove from the pot and reserve the bacon grease. Pour the chopped cabbage into the hot pot and drizzle with bacon grease- use your own judgement here. I use about 1 teaspoon, maybe a little less. You don’t want it to be greasy. Stir cabbage to coat; then pour in cooked bacon and stir again. Cook covered, stirring occasionally to prevent burning.

4

Once the chops have cooked and cooled, cut into bite size pieces.

5
Toss into the pot with the cabbage and bacon. Stir and replace cover. Cook until the cabbage is tender.

6

I don’t salt anything because of the salt in the pork and bacon; that is really a judgement call. I think it tastes amazing without added salt! 🙂

Serves 3
Per serving: 7.8 g net carbs

Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone

In an effort to try and better myself, both mentally and physically, I’ve decided it’s time to step outside my comfort zone. I’m going to pop my own personal bubble so to speak. This has not been the easiest Photo Aug 23, 11 43 55 AMdecision to make because I’ve been quite happy staying inside my personal little bubble. But that bubble is keeping me from broadening my horizons. It’s keeping me from experiencing life to the fullest. I’m going to work really hard on putting my own insecurities aside and reach beyond my personal space. 🙂 YIKES!

One of the first to-dos on my list is a VIDEO blog post. YES, that’s right. My next post will be a vlog post. WOOHOO! This is something I decided to do with my Lash Chaos Younique business and figured I’d share it here as well. In fact, I’m going to use this as the main platform for my business and, well, pretty much everything. Basically, everything will start here and expand outward! This is exciting! And scary! And I keep asking myself “HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND WOMAN?” But no! I have not! I have so much to share and have realized that in order to share, I have to be more open. This realization has led to a lot of soul searching which has led to the decision to step outside my norm!

So…. stay tuned because the first video blog is coming soon!!!